Sunday, October 10, 2010

Globster's Incredible Bad Movie Rating System versus the Giant Sucking Wound Part Second and a half

I've devised a rating system based off of how a movie makes me feel...instead of how it makes me think. The movies that fall under these parameters will be horror, sci-fi, fantasy, exploitation, grindhouse, eurosleaze, trash, B and Z grade get the idea.
There is no numerical score or symbol. From high to low, there is only a title to define my feelings towards a particular piece of cinema.

FACE MELT = It's Amazing! You make people watch this movie.
SEMI HIT = You never saw it coming.
MAGGOT STORM = It eats you up. It's so bad, it's good.
SPARKLING BODY SHOWER = Yeah, it has its moments. It's a pretty decent flick.
HATCHET HEAD = Average. Pedestrian. Nothing Special.
DEVOURED BY DOGS = A disappointment. You may end up liking it or hating it, but somehow you feel cheated. 
EYE GOUGE = What the hell was that???
HELL HOUSE = You are ready to destroy the very film you are watching and everything associated with it.
SAWDUST = Boring, boring, boring.
FLESH EATER = Unwatchable.

A REALLY astonishing scene in a movie, good or bad, can merit the "MINI-MELT" rating. For example, the vomit scene in 'The Exorcist', or the face-melting scene in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' could be considered Mini-Melts. Like a FACE MELT, but smaller!

Chew's your fate!

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