Death a la creme

He skulks in the shadows, relentless and wild
in his search for a tender, delectable child.
With his steely sharp claws and his slavering jaws
oh he's waiting ... just waiting ... to get you

From the Bogeyman by Jack Prelutsky

The legend of the Bogeyman has been around the villages and towns of Messpit for hundreds of years and has been used by parents to scare their children into behaving properly. Tragically, infant death has skyrocketed in recent weeks in the village of Swineford. Is the legend of the Bogeyman true?

The Bogeyman is actually a pack of Bugbears that make their home deep inside Darkwood and venture out for a "snack" every so often. They normally hibernate for most of the year and hunt during the late summer months. Due to an abnormally warm winter, the bugbears have started hunting and feasting early. Easy pickings, until Hippalonia, Warrior Amazon of Nilbrest, is hired by the villagers of Swineford to protect them.

Just because there's a new fellowship with a new mission, doesn't mean former fellowship members have been slacking.

–Jeff Tuffenstuff

Darkest Red, Deepest Night

Deep within the confines of the enchanted Haelfern Forest, otherwise known as Darkwood to many of you, there exists a great many wondrous and/or dangerous creatures. The image you see before you is one such being. This is the dreaded Redcap. It is a ghoulish creature known to murder wayward travelers and dye their hats red with the blood of their victims.
Here, a Redcap is seen sitting on the body of old, fat Friar Phurnighan. Silly man, what was he doing in the woods?
Redcaps are only one of the many dangers lurking around the corners of the forest. Will our hardy band of fellows run into them? Or is this a moot drawing?

Chew

Beware the Monkey of ... Doom!

Ahhh ... kids. Wacky, wacky kids. My soon-to-be-one year old daughter is kicking my butt at night. She's decided that night time is playtime and by the time I put her to bed, I'm done. Well done. Oh yeah, big props to the inventor of the pacifier ... you rock, sir. Big time.

So what's up with the monkey? Uhm ... he's a mean monkey from ... er ... space? Yeah. Space. Oooh, and he's been genetically altered to ... ah ... fight stuff.

I am in no way stalling until I get some more stuff for Carnage Cream drawn. Nope. Not stalling at all. Monkey of Doom. Yep.

Monkeys are funny.

– Jeff Tuffenstuff

Zwieback, The Dwarf-Lord

So, here he is...Biskit reconstituted as Zwieback.
In this particular image, he is standing on the freshly slain corpse of the Infamous Red Troll of Ragmar (amongst his fellow trolls, he is known as "Tahr Pkatz'rrrta Utj Rrhrgh'mghrrr"). As Zwieback was carving out his empire, he needed to annex a certain Haelfern Forest...that wonderfully enchanted place also known as Darkwood (thought by many to contain great secrets and treasures). The Red Troll claimed himself as king of the forest (which he was obviously not, for he lived some thirty leagues away), so Zwieback did what came naturally to a conquering alpha male bastard. He took down his competition.

Chew

Biscuits in times of duress are good for the soul

I'm not sure if you remember this little guy. Several years ago, Jeff T. and I came up with the Biskit story. This is mentioned in a previous post (from Thursday, January 28, 2010). Biskit was a greedy and malevolent dwarf who was said to have killed his mother, thus causing the ostracization by his brothers and the dwarven community at large. Basically, he sucks and everyone hates him.
Slowly, he built his kingdom, and died leaving behind a vast, untold (and hidden) treasure. Jeff was going to do the writing and I was going to draw it. As things sometimes happen, we were never able to get the project out of the preliminary stage. But...we never forgot it. For a spell, I feared it was dead. That is, until AFTER I made the previous post.
Then I started thinking....Biskit exists in the same world as Carnage Cream. There is an unfulfilled idea out there shared by two people. Why not do something with it after all? Why just let it sit there and die? So, Biskit has been reconstituted as Zwieback, the Dwarf -Lord.

Probably will not be seeing him or his story for a while....but elements of his empire remain strewn throughout the landscape.

chewy

Sour Cream

Anybody creeped out by the picture of Heino in Chew's last post? I am. And I grew up listening and watching the guy. Who's Heino? He's a super duper famous german folk singer that could make old ladies swoon. He's the Sinatra of German Folk ... with shades that only got bigger and darker, and bigger and ... you get the point. Ahh, Germany. Oh how I miss the succulent chesticles of the Fatherland.

Sorry. Back on topic. Uhm ... cream. Chew and I have been talking about D&D – specifically monsters in the old first edition Fiend Folio and the various Monster Manuals. So, here's a Monster. Well, more of a pet really. Say hello to Kronk the Hob-Poggle, official mascot of Fandalf's School of Wizardry and Wonderment, inc. He's a cute, quiet little fellow as long as you keep him fed. And chained. And sedated. None of which he will be, of course, when the fellowship finds him in the School Cellar. In fact, the little guy guy will have a very sour disposition.

See how I worked the end there back into the main title?

I know. I'm Awesome.

- Jeff Tuffenstuff

Elfheim of Elfland, get thee gone

Well, things have been a little crappy on my end of the world, but no need to go into any wearying details. I do'nt really feel like writing anything, but a compulsion has led me here nonetheless. Jeff and I, amidst the chaos of life (what else would it be?), are still working on our Creamy Carnage Tales 2. AND....at a feverish pace I might add. With the way the book is going, you'll see it in a couple of years. If all goes as planned, it will be a MAJOR project. Big!
I'm really psyched about the whole thing. Because of previous posts, you might find this entry a tad redundant. But I am majorly psyched. I want to keep talking about it and doing research on Lord of the Rings, AD&D and just about any other nerdy fantasy crap we can totally skewer...whilst maintaining a healthy respect for it, mind you!
I have to tell you guys, one of Jeff's big gripes with L.O.T.R. is Tolkien's portrayals of the Elves as these noble, angelic, tall, effete, and mostly blonde spiritual, and totally pointy-eared beings of utter grace. I am with him on this one now. I, too, am tired of the watered-down version of creatures who used to be a bunch of feisty little asses. Just like what has happened to vampires (Twilight, yo. Vampire eunuchs who glitter. Yeah).
I want to see Elves as bastards again!
And no, they will not be featured in our book.

Oh, Jeff's doing fine, by the way.


ch ch ch chew